2. Jul, 2016

Mental Health & baby 2 - Part Two

I had Postnatal Depression (PND) with my first-born, but that didn’t stop me from planning baby number two.

When I arrived home with my first-born I had no idea what to do.

I spent time at home trying to breastfeed with little success and I felt a failure. I carried on expressing and I decided to formula feed also. I had a reaction to a medication which meant, in the hot weather, I was covered in a rash and couldnt deal with skin touching anything. This meant sitting and feeding was hard.

After spending time in the house, I wanted to get out, so I ventured out to the shops, I needed an escape to being a parent at home.

My husband could see I was tired and would share night feeds sometimes.

I seemed to float through the next few months. I went to baby groups and met with people but I struggled when my baby was not settled.

My patience was thin, I couldn't bond and feel love for her. I just thought I was a bad mum and didn't know what I was doing. I had no family help and hubby was at work a lot. I knew I loved her but I didn't have enjoyment, I didn't feel this intense warm glow for her. I took care of her ensured she was well, but I felt empty and numb.

I found myself drifting through each day and going back to work was looming.

I managed to get part time hours and got child care sorted. I had to spend time with my mother in law and get her set up for caring for baby for two days a week and hubby doing one day. My first day back at work was dull I was left alone in a small office and told to go through my emails and that was it. No welcome back and no sit down to re introduce me to the job and all the changes that happened in the last year.

By the third day I knew it wasn't work that I needed to fix myself, I realised I was unwell.

On the Wednesday night I broke down to my husband and, we arranged to visit the gp.

I will talk about my road to recovery of PND in part three.

I want to say at this time I have a four week old son whom I am enjoying so much and the love I feel is amazing.

I never thought I would be able to enjoy motherhood after pnd but I am and so can you.

Nichola